Bugle Boy

Pre-game

2009-01-11T20:56:00.000-08:00

I've been practicing "my" new sword. It's kind of cramped in my room but I suppose that's a good thing. There's no guarantee I'll always be fighting zombies in the most ideal of conditions. When I realized this, I actually went into my shower and tried to figure out how I would fight a zombie in quarters that small. I quickly realized how screwed I'd be. There's no way I could get a clean swipe at their head then. I'd have to use the sword to keep them out of biting range, then slowly move until I had enough swinging room. Of course, that's Plan B. Plan A is to never to get into that situation.

I've also been working out, jogging in place, doing push-ups, sit-ups, curls. I'm not fat at all, I actually go to the weight room every so often, but I'm definitely not athletic and if this turns into some kind of zombie apocalypse, being in good shape will be a major asset. Besides, it gives me something to do. It's like I'm in jail but with brain-sucking zombies for guards. But I think tomorrow, I'm going to break out.

I made a scavenging trip last night to other rooms on my floor for some food. I did find some people in their rooms - but none alive. There were two separate rooms that I walked past where I could hear low moaning and some shuffling coming from inside. Definitely creepy. I left those alone. My new lock picking skill was useful and I found several rooms that had food items. Nothing major from just one, but altogether, a nice windfall for a hungry college student. I ended up with a bag of regular potato chips, two half-full Doritos bags, some beef jerky, granola bars, cereal, mac and cheese, 2 minute noodles, and thankfully, several apples. I didn't realize how much I'd missed fresh, non-processed food. I also found a shocking amount of alcohol. I left the beer (too much to carry) but took some of the harder stuff, including some vodka. But not for me to drink. The last thing I want is to start drinking heavily, wallowing in self-pity, as I convince myself the world is ending and there's no hope left. No, I figure the alcohol could be a very useful trade item or, worst case scenario, be used for a Molotov cocktail. The one thing I didn't find were Bugles. I have perhaps two servings last. Things are getting dire.

Early tomorrow morning, I'm going to set out. I have a route laid out on where to search for Hailey, all of the most likely spots I can think of for where she might be. I hope to get back by 2 pm or so but in case I get trapped somewhere, I'm taking my backpack with food, water, and a blanket. I don't like it, but I think I better avoid the police patrols I've seen from my window. They'd either end up sending me back to my dorm, arresting me, or shooting me in case I was infected. Whichever one happened, the result would be the same - no one would be left to search for Hailey until this is all over. If it ever is.

It slices and dices even that hardest zombie head!

2009-01-09T20:55:00.000-08:00

I moved the body of the zombie I killed. It was starting to smell and I was worried that maybe some other zombies might notice and be attracted to my area. I doubt that's possible but zombies aren't supposed to be possible either so I figure I shouldn't hold on too tightly to was is supposed to be real and what isn't. I didn't know what to do with the body at first. It was too heavy to carry to the dumpsters and I definitely was not going outside. Anyway, it felt wrong to even consider putting the body in the dumpster. He used to be a living human being, deserving of some respect, no matter what he became after he died. So I dragged the body to the stairwell and down one flight of stairs and laid him down along the wall, his top half partly propped up because he was too tall to lie flat. I also closed his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. Seemed like the right thing to do. At least, it made me feel a little better. And really, that's the whole point of funerals or any kind of death ritual. It's not for the dead - it's for the living.

But that was yesterday. I spent most of today looking for a new weapon. I still have a very painful welt on my palm, a perfect circle, from when I pushed the rod through the zombie's skull. I got lucky once and I don't want to depend on the shower rod lasting for too long. There's nothing else suitable to be used as a weapon in my room, so I set off on a scavenging mission through my dorm.

I guess it wasn't an actual scavenging trip, because I had a destination in mind. There was a particular asshole on my floor that had made a big deal out of something he had - a real samurai sword. He had to get permission from the school to have it in his room, claiming that it was a family heirloom, but his grandfather had only stolen it from a dead Japanese officer in WWII. I figured that was my best bet for zombie protection. I couldn't depend on stumbling upon some lead pipe or crowbar, let alone any sort of gun.

I had a few issues in retrieving the sword. One, I didn't know if it was still in the guy's room. He might've gone home and taken it with him. Or maybe he was still there and of course, he wouldn't just let me take it. Or he could be a zombie, locked in his room. But even before I got that far, I had to get inside. So I spent a couple of hours outside of my door, most of the time I furtively watched my back, and practiced picking my lock. I figured this would help me with supplies if I could easily get into other people's rooms. I didn't feel as bad about the idea of looting as I had expected. Perhaps all those illegally download movies, songs, and games had made me into a hardened criminal. Or it might've been the atmosphere of possible death and my struggle for survival.

Late morning, I set off on my mission. It was about thirty feet down the hall. I had my shower rod in hand and a pocket full of paper clips to use on the lock. I reached the door but didn't knock immediately. I laid down on the floor and peaked under the door. No movement, no lights on. Then I barely knocked on the door. I glanced up and down the hallway. Nothing, from behind the door or along the floor. I got out my paperclip, the one that had been the most successful on my door, and went to work on this door. Surprisingly fast, less than a minute, I had it open.

I walked inside and immediately checked the rooms. No one in the bathroom or the two bedrooms. But I did notice some blood on the carpet. On the inside of one of the bedroom doors, there were scratches and shallow dents the size of a human fist. Also, the window was broken, the shards falling outside and there was blood and pieces of clothing on the jagged pieces left in the frame. It was in this room I found my target, hanging on the hall. I paused and admired it. I don't really know much about swords but it had a nice hilt and certainly looked sharp. It looks pretty similar to the one posted. I picked up the scabbard, leaning against the wall, and slid the sword into it.

Then I searched for a piece of paper and a pen on the desk. I left my name and number, informing whomever that I had taken the sword and why. Judging by the evidence in the room, I doubted anyone would be asking. But just because civilization appears to be collapsing in this small town doesn't mean I must also regress to some unthinking barbarian.

So now I feel suitably armed and protected, not just from zombies but other people, too. People who may also discover how disturbingly easy it is to pick a lock but may not feel the same need to leave notes behind when they take what they want. But I'm afraid I can't last much longer in my room. Food is a bit low but that's the not the main reason for my antsiness. I figure (hope) I can scavenge food from other rooms in the dorm. No, I'm still worried about Hailey. I don't know where to look for her but I have to do something. I'm also running dangerously low on Bugles. Maybe I can email the CDC and have them airdrop a bag of Bugles. Or maybe an entire crate.

...

2009-01-07T20:50:00.000-08:00

I had my first encounter last night. And I'm nearly out of Bugles. Although I'm on the third floor of my dorm, I know that I'm still vulnerable from the zombies or whatever they are. (Maybe they're not actual zombies like you see in movies but whatever is plaguing this tiny town is violent and if bitten, is lethal. That's enough to raise my hackles.) Like I said, I'm on the third floor, so no zombies will be coming through my window but I'm also right next to the stairwell. Hotel rooms in that location are called "murder central." Not a comforting thought.

Even though I've kept my door locked and barricaded, that's merely a passive defense. It may keep them out for a while but if they're banging on the door, I'm already screwed. I figured a little forewarning would be useful. I got the idea from some action movie (don't remember what now) about breaking some glass and putting it in the hallway, so that you can hear a person's footsteps. I didn't like the idea of leaving myself in the dark, so the lightbulb was out. I had only one other crunchy item at hand - my Bugles. I spread out over a bag's worth on the floor in front of the stairwell and in front of my door. It pained me to use those golden cones of deliciousness in such a wasteful manner but I knew they could end up saving my life. And they did.

It was about 4 am. I was sleeping, but lightly. I haven't had a truly restful sleep in over a week. Not since this quarantine went up and Hailey went missing. Something woke me but I didn't know what it was at first. Then there was a faint crunch from the hallway, just a little past my door. My Bugles were calling out to me. I grabbed my makeshift weapon, the metal shower rod I had unscrewed. I crept towards my door and there was another shuffling crunch. There wasn't anyone left on my floor that I knew of and it was a late hour for people to be about, even for college students. I glanced through the door's peephole and I hate to admit it, I whimpered at the sight. Just to left of the door was a college student. He was wearing only boxers but what churned my stomach was his arm. His right arm was bent at an unnatural angle, with strips of flesh hanging loose. He also had a gaping hole, the shape of a human bite mark, on his left shoulder. But he must have heard my whimper because he turned around and looked right at the door. It was like he looked through me because his eyes were unfocused. It was the blank stare of death. He started moaning and took a shuffling step towards my door. I don't know if it's true or not but all I could think of was how in so many movies, a zombie's moans would call others to him. (Like in Shaun of the Dead, which I once loved and thought hilarious but I don't think I'll ever watch it again now.) So I opened my door and stepped into the hallway.

He moaned even louder when he saw me and took another step towards me, his outstretched hands nearly within reach of me. Zombie lore says to destroy the head but the shower rod in my hand was cheap and hollow. The image of me slamming the rod across his his skull, only to have it bend cartoonishly into the exact shape of his head flashed through my mind. Before I even registered the decision, I raised the rod, my right hand at the back for force, my left on the side for guidance, and slammed it through his forehead. It went in with a sickening crunch and he stopped in his tracks. The former student crumpled to the floor, sliding off the shower rod. A circular section of his head, a perfect layer of hair, skull, and brains, like a cross section sample of a tree or the soil, slowly oozed out of the rod and plopped to the floor. I stared at the corpse, at the hole in its head and the yellow bits of smashed Bugles sticking to its brains and the blood on its arm. I didn't know him but I knew must've had friends. And a family. Perhaps even a girlfriend. But my only thought was "What a damned waste. Perfectly good Bugles."

I think I'm going to be sick now.

Eeep!

2009-01-06T19:10:00.000-08:00

I think I'll try to keep this blog as lighthearted as possible :) because there's some serious shit going down here in Ada, Ohio. And yes, I think this situation warrants that statement. (I've already resorted to an emoticon and a cliche within the first sentence. That shows just how much my innner English Major has been knocked for a loop.)

Hailey's gone. No, not in the death euphemism sense, but simply gone. Disappeared. MIA. And I think zombies got her. (Go ahead and forget that opening line. I don't think there's a way in hell this blog will be lighthearted.)

To bring you up to speed, there's been some sort of outbreak here at school. That's why I haven't updated this blog for so long. First of all, I never made it home for Christmas. Between weather and the bedlam following an ill-planned evacuation of the school, I never made it out. So I've been stuck here in my room, no Internet for a while, until the CDC shows up, and now I'm piggy backing off their wireless to bring you this information.

From what I've pieced together, some sort of flu spread through the school like wildfire, probably getting a jump start at that party I mentioned. In no time, people were sick, fell into comas, appeared to die, and then made a miraculous recovery, but they were still a bit groggy afterward and barely functional. It's a couple days after this "recovery" that things got really interesting. They started attacking people. This was after most of the evacuation, thank goodness, but more than a few people (including some friends of mine) were bitten by these people. Then they too got sick. And the shit hit the fan.

Now Ada is quarantined and I'm terrified to leave my room. I'm in Lima Hall, which has the really nice suites but as a sophomore, I got last dibs on the rooms and I ended up on the third floor. The reason I mention this is that I've heard some breaking windows down on the first floor, followed by screams and shouts. I don't know happened and I don't want to know. I'm just glad I'm here on the third floor. I don't need to worry about the window, just the door. I can hold out here in my room for a little bit longer. I already had some food - I like to keep some in case I pull an all-nighter or if the weather is too bad to walk to the cafeteria. (That normally means I'm just too lazy to do so. Which is admittedly pathetic because I takes me ninety seconds to get to the cafeteria from my dorm.) Most importantly, I also have an ample supply of Bugles at the moment.

I was thinking of various Bugle jokes to use above but I didn't. It seems awfully trivial when I think about Hailey. She was supposed to leave for home but the quarantine went up the day she was supposed to leave and I haven't heard back from her. I've lost track the number of times I've tried her cell (when I can get reception in my room) and she hasn't answered any emails or Facebook messages. I want to search for her but I've looked out my window and I've spotted some people walking across the campus very suspiciously. I don't want to cry "zombie" but given what's happened, it would take a willfully blind fool to ignore that possibility.

I'll let you know more tomorrow. Casey, over and out.

The Flu...Oh Noes!

2008-12-20T19:19:00.000-08:00

Hailey's a bit upset. She's not a flighty or anything but still, I think she's overreacting a little. This girl she knows, Maxine, went to the hospital with the flu or something like that. Hailey's been washing her hands all day, signed the both of us up for flu shots, and I caught her using her sleeve to open a door handle. I kidded her some about that, called her Monk's sister. She's even decided not to go to any parties for a while, until this bug is gone. I told her using a few simple precautions is one thing but changing your activities just to avoid getting sick is another thing. What's next, barricading the door to keep people out, just in case they have the flu?

I find myself back to my earlier question: what is this blog about? Based on the above, it sounds like the blog is only about my girlfriend. I thought blogs were personal, about the author. But maybe by talking about Hailey, I'm actually talking about myself, demonstrating that I have self-image issues when I try to think of my life in terms without my girlfriend....Nope, don't think so.

But enough of this existentialism bullshit (if that really is existentialism - I'm an English major, not a Philosophy major. All I know, and care, is that I spelled existentialism correctly.) From now, this is going to be a true blog. It will be purely an exercise in stroking my own ego, convincing myself that people are actually reading this and give a crap about my life. It will be all about me, not about Hailey or anyone else. But if you read this, Hailey, I'm not saying that I don't care about you or anything. You're the most important thing in my life. Other than Bugles, of course.

Mmmm, Bugles.

Greetings, intrepid explorers

2008-12-16T17:39:00.000-08:00

**Tap tap**
Hello? Is this thing on?
Lol :)

Whoa, we better slow down. Can't have that much humor this fast. Don't want to overload my readers, all three of you.
Also, I promise that is the last "lol" and the last emocon you'll ever see in this blog. We English majors are above that sort of thing. We represent ourselves with words, not abbreviations or cutesy symbols made from punctuation marks. I admit, that sounds a bit pompous. But that's the way we are - we cling to our words and we get too much pleasure from corny jokes. ("English majors are novel lovers." Woo hoo!)

So, what's the purpose of this blog, you may be wondering?
I actually shrugged when I typed that. Took me a moment to realize that I needed to actually type my answer and not count on you somehow magically knowing that I shrugged. The answer is, I don't have any real purpose for this blog. I considered adding "- yet" at the end of that sentence, but that would imply that I'll eventually have a reason for all of this. I don't now and I might not ever. Just think of me like Seinfeld, except that I won't be yelling at you all the time or sliding through the door and into your room. Especially if you have carpet.
I suppose something may eventually come to me. But I won't worry about that at the moment. For now, I'll just end this with my introduction. Name's Casey and I'm a sophomore and, you guessed it, English major. I have a girlfriend, Hailey, a sophomore Bio major. She's fantastic but my first love will always be my Bugles.

Mmmmm...Bugles.